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"The Most Right-Wing Man In Britain"
Hilarious profile of Sir Benjamin Slade in the weekend's Independent.
Sir Benjamin, who is childless, hopes to pass his ancient estate in trust to a distant relation. He has plans to turn this quest for a long-lost heir into a "reality TV" show; the Independent's hack investigates. Despite primly describing Sir Benjamin and his friends as "dinosaurs" the Indie can't help but publish his thoughts on every issue under the sun, from Lithuanian labourers to homosexual peacocks.
It's wasted on Independent readers, to be honest: Most of whom are probably horrified that the likes of Sir Benjamin (who may well be something of a chancer, if the hack's to be trusted) still exists. Indeed, as Sir Benjamin warms to his various themes (immigration, the behaviour of his ex-wives, his dislike of liberals and his interest in man-eating tribes in Papua New Guinea, where a tribe has reputedly asked him to be their "head man"), one can't help but feel that he's leading the Indie's reporter (and his readers) on.
He's a thousand times more interesting than most of the drab characters the newspaper usually dredges up. Here are his thoughts on the EU: "The EU is all right except they pass rules. If you chop down a tree, and there's a horseshoe bat in it, there's no fucking argument: you go to prison... And if the tree falls on, say, a great crested newt, you are in even deeper shit."
And on the character of the world's peoples, in all their multicultural glory:
"Sir Benjamin embarked on (a) guide to global culture after recalling how he once defaced an atlas before presenting it to his godson. "It was this wonderful children's book, showing all the countries of the world and saying lovely things about each. I took this atlas and wrote on every country, all about the people. It is quite horrific, this stuff I wrote, and which the godson read. One of my friends said: 'Do not let anyone see it. Or you will go to prison.'""
EURSOC would pay to read it. If he wants to make a few extra quid, Sir Benjamin might be better off publishing his global guide rather than inviting the TV cameras in.
